Act Five has been working with Coldwater Canada since our beginning. There is a shared love of the wilderness between our organizations, and beyond that, a shared desire to help grow resilience in the young people that pass through our programs. Jess McLean works as a Wilderness Instructor and Communications Coordinator for Coldwater Canada. She believes strongly in the growth that challenge can offer to a person. Here she shares a little bit of her own story with the wilderness and reflects on the necessity of challenge. If you have ever wondered why Act Five sends our students on long camping trips to the middle of nowhere, Jess’ words here offer an answer to that question.

“Education must enable young people to affect what they have recognized to be right, despite hardships, despite dangers, despite inner skepticism, despite boredom, despite mockery from the world or the emotions of the moment.”

Kurt Hahn, Founder of Outward Bound

Jess’ Story

“From as early as I can remember, the wilderness has been a significant part of my story. As a young girl, I remember the feeling of freedom as I rode my bike through a campground and swam in open lakes.

As a teenager, I took on bigger and longer adventures. I would venture out on canoe trips and always try to beat the accomplishments from the year before. There were longer portages. One trip portages. Longer distances paddled. More portages per day. More of this. Less of that. Every portage left me feeling more empowered, and every morning spent by a lake brought a new sense of clarity.

By the end of high school, I recognized the wilderness as a place of empowerment, freedom and clarity. I could not get enough time in the wilderness!

Wilderness Classrooms

Attraction to the wilderness is what eventually led me to develop the courage to go on an adventure with Coldwater Canada. Through that experience, I realized that the wilderness is much more than a ‘special place.’ It is a classroom where God develops our trust in Him and shapes us to be more like Jesus. This realization created breakthroughs in my understanding of my identity in Christ, and I developed a desire to see others experience God through wilderness adventure as well. 

I then decided to be trained as a Wilderness Instructor in order to learn more about experiential learning and using the wilderness as a classroom. I soon realized that the element of ‘challenge’ in the wilderness is an intentional part of God’s design.

Pursuing Challenge

It does not take much life experience to recognize that challenge is an element of every person’s life–but there is a difference between the presence of and the pursuit of challenge. When we choose to intentionally pursue challenge, God develops necessary skills and traits in us for facing the challenges of life that we do not get to choose.

Over the past 3 years, I have had the privilege of leading 7 wilderness adventures for Act Five with Coldwater Canada. From hiking up steep ascents with heavy hiking backpacks in Virginia, to traversing through deep mud with a canoe on their shoulders in Temagami, to waking up on a cold morning in a quinzhee in central Ontario, I have seen Act Five students develop resiliency and strength through the pursuit of challenge. 

This resiliency has carried each student past the mountain tops and valleys of the wilderness and into the depths of the learning and serving at 75 Blake St and beyond. I am confident that the students’ trust in God and confidence in their abilities developed in the wilderness gives them the courage to have difficult conversations and engage in new learning throughout their gap year program.

I am grateful to get to be a part of the deep impact Act Five sees in their student’s lives, and I look forward to seeing how God continues to use the wilderness to shape His people.”

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Matt Buikema – Year 1

“This past spring I finished a 4 year undergrad degree in social work at Redeemer University. 

Through a social work internship with Redeemer, I’m now in the process of starting to work at an organization that provides transitional housing for men coming out of prison.

Before Act Five I thought that I’d end up working in the trades in some capacity. As a student in Act Five, I did my placements with 541 Eatery and Exchange and with the Barton Business Improvement Area. Through these placements and the classroom and experiential learning, I engaged with challenges like poverty and homelessness that disadvantaged people in Hamilton face From this, I realized that I have a passion and gift for working with people. This led me to my social work education at Redeemer, and I haven’t looked back since.

Act Five also continues to inspire lot of questions around how I feel I should involve myself in a community. It has also prompted me to think about which communities I want to put my time and efforts towards. Because of my passion for Hamilton as a city, and for the wide variety of people residing within, I have been attending Streetlight Christian Church. We are located in the Beasley neighbourhood. I also participate in their programs that run weekly during the school year. These programs cater to children and youth from nearby neighbourhoods.”

Ryan Vroom – Year 2

“I am working as a Diesel Mechanic for Kooy Brothers in North York. I’ve been working there for about two and a half years. I live in Schomberg with my wife Abby, who is another Act Five alumni from 21/22. We just married in mid July!

After Act Five I went to college for small engine mechanics. Finishing that, I then worked for Coldwater Canada for a summer before starting work in my field. I met Abby while we were both working for Coldwater. While working there, I had a cool opportunity to lead that year’s Act Five trip. It was a neat experience to be a part of leading a trip that meant a lot to me when I was a part of it only 2 years prior. Next, I began working for a small engine shop in Innisfil before switching to Kooy Brothers in North York.

I think Act Five had a big impact on my life. During Act Five was when I gave myself to Christ and embraced my adoption from my Heavenly Father. It was also a time that emphasized the importance of community and also of prayer and its power. Covid affected much of my time at Act Five, and because of that, we spent a lot of time together in Hamilton. This led to a deep sense of connection and community with the others in the house. I realized that the Christian walk with Christ isn’t something to do alone. We are meant to be surrounded by other believers who encourage us, pray for us, and bear our burdens with us. This has led me to being more involved at church, knowing the good that can come out of community.

Another way Act Five has impacted me is in how I use my phone and manage my screen time. I struggled with giving up my phone as a student in Act Five. Now, I would gladly hand it over, knowing the deeper connection and relationships that can be made in person without it.

Act Five taught me a lot, a lot more than I can say here. Heading into Act Five, I already knew what I wanted to do. Act Five didn’t change that. But Act Five changed me. It changed how I think about things, how I interact with people, and how I’m committed to my local church. It sparked empathy in me and helped me connect with others more deeply. I’m so grateful for that. I still often think about the time I spent at Act Five, the songs we sang at evensong, the experiences I had, the connections and real friendships that formed.”

Nina Pasma – Year 6

“My name is Nina Pasma and I was part of the Year Six cohort at Act Five. I just started my first year at Redeemer University, where I will be studying English writing, Theology and Art.

Part of the reason that I went to Act Five was because I had no clue what I wanted to do after high school. A big eyeopener for me at Act Five, was learning that I don’t have to have it all figured out. If I don’t feel placed in whatever I am doing, I am free to switch it up. Before Act Five, applying to school or planning my life felt like a huge life altering decision. I felt that if I didn’t get it right on the first try, I’d be doomed to live a terrible life, which is simply not the truth. My anxiety over life decisions hasn’t disappeared, but it’s definitely eased over the course of Act Five. Now when I plan things, and pray over them, I know that plans may change, and that’s okay.”

Final Thoughts

When students come to our gap year program, they are committing to an intense year of personal and community development. Knowing that what they learned in Act Five is still shaping their lives after the program is such an encouragement. Please keep our alumni in your own prayers as they continue in their own journey. And we will continue to trust that God is with them wherever they may go.

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Living in Someone Else’s Home

Right now, the backyard of 75 Blake street is reaching its prime. As I return to the garden after a weekend away, new flowers have opened. The tomatoes ripening on their vines are two shades darker, the grass stands an inch taller. I have walked and lived in this space for over a year now, but for the past two months I have also been working for Act Five as a property caretaker. Instead of striding through the yard on my way to the back alley or the shed, I get to linger- to notice the small changes. As I venture into the yard every day, something is always different. Sometimes it is obvious like a branch that fell in a storm, or a new radiant bloom in the garden. Often, though, the day to day changes are more subtle. 

“…the four floors were each filled with names of people and places I had yet to meet.”

When I first moved into this house just over a year ago, it felt impossible to take in all the details. After six years of programs and summer tenants, the house and the yard were saturated with other people’s lives. Art – beautiful,varied, and sometimes weird- covered the walls – each attached to a story and a name. So many students had “left one thing”,  and the four floors were each filled with names of people and places I had yet to meet. While these details made for a vibrant and exciting place to live, they felt separate from me, a backdrop to my life before the next destination. 

Shaping and Being Shaped by Home

Now, some of these details are mine. In my two summers as a tenant and my time as a resident, I have laughed and cried and loved in this house. During a full year, the seasons shift and blur into one another. It can be easy to look ahead and forget how much has changed. But a lot has. The staff offices have jumped floors twice in the year. A big part of summer residency has been lived alongside renovations that have brightened hallways and completely changed the bathrooms. 

These are larger, seasonal shifts, but there are so many smaller ones. There were canning jars on the chandelier where games of basketball shattered the original light fixtures. There is fresh paint on the walls from the Year Six gap year students. The recycling bins now live in a different corner of the kitchen. I know how to change a fuse. And so many of the names I only knew scrawled on the door frame or in pictures have become people I know and care about. 

At Act Five, we often talk about how the summer brings a different pace of life. I get to spend my last months at Blake St. with a smaller group and a simpler schedule. As I cook spaghetti for Wednesdays, explore Hamilton, spend my days in the garden and my evenings perched by AC units, I’ve had time to walk the floors and see physical evidence of how the time I have spent here has shaped me and this whole community.

“…the house and the yard are saturated with other people’s lives.”

Caring for the property at 75 Blake St. has allowed me to slow down and consider that change up close. In the course of a week, Act Five’s backyard might not look all that different, especially if you’re just passing through. An inch of growth here, a new leaf there. But compared to last month, last season, or last year, the changes are undeniable. 

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“What are you doing here?” 

It’s a weird question to hear now when I walk into 75 Blake St.. After all, in many ways it still feels like home. 

Over the last 3 years, I’ve spent 3 summers living in the house and 8 months working with students as a media manager. On top of that, I’ve probably eaten more spaghetti on Wednesdays than anyone in Hamilton. This place holds a lot of memories for me.

Memories of a Home

Much to the chagrin of my mom and grandmother and their 20 years of trying, 75 Blake St. is where I learned to finally appreciate gardening. It gave me a place to pay attention to what would grow as I waited patiently for the white strawberries (or “pineberries” as they are apparently called) to ripen. I learned the joy of picking a cucumber and pepper off the plant to add to that dinner’s salad. And I grew to appreciate the sweaty struggle of removing goutweed. 

“75 Blake St. will always feel like home.

Blake St. seems to be a place where time slows down and speeds up at the same time. Long talks around the dinner table or on the kitchen floor seem to last forever and be over too soon. Quiet moments would be interrupted by the soft strings of a guitar or violin being practiced in another room. And there is always the consistent, startling loudness of that one note on the old piano.  

I like to think Blake St. is where I became a man, (in one sense at least). This happened as I pretended that I knew what I was doing at three in the morning when a bat was discovered in the basement and no one else would dare try to get it out of the house. (Don’t worry, the bat only came back once as far as I know.) 

Mourning and Celebrating Together

The word ‘stranger’ seems to lose all meaning in this place. Even spending just one summer really digging into intentional community is enough to create bonds that last for years. My strongest memory of this short, intense, tremendously caring community came after the worst day of my life. After driving seven hours back to Hamilton, alone and holding back tears, I came into the house right as our evening prayer was about to start. Someone I had just started living with a few weeks before immediately saw me and hugged me. They lived Jesus’ words to “mourn with those who mourn”.

So yeah, 75 Blake St. will always feel like home, with all the joys and sorrows and celebrations and disappointments that go along with that title. I’m so grateful to have been and continue to be part of the community there. And I hope everyone can find a place like it. 

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Moving in

It’s September 2, 2024. The “welcome” banner hangs above the porch as Abby sits at the check-in table in the front yard. The dining room holds our swag store, ready for the new arrivals. One by one, the students slowly arrive, carrying boxes and laundry hampers, clothes hangers, and bins labelled with their last names. People exchange sweaty handshakes over stumbled greetings. 

The home feels full and thick with the anticipation that we are on the brink of something big, and yet we are all still strangers. We are teetering on the edge of the drop into the rollercoaster of year six. We are all strapped in, some holding on for dear life, some with their hands raised ready to let the momentum take them, and some unsure which ride they have gotten on. 

Now, it is May, and those strangers from September 2 are more like family than friends. They have each now embarked on their own journeys away from Blake Street. “Moving out,” feels too strong of a phrase to capture the students’ and residents’ departure from Blake Street. Though they’ve packed up their belongings, emptied their rooms, and deep (deep!) cleaned the house, traces of their presence still linger in these walls.

More than the Brick and Mortar

For my part in our “Life on the Porch” publication (go give it a read!) I wrote a piece based on a painting I had done in reflection of this home. 

It reads:

“75 Blake Street. 

A towering red brick house, skirted by a paint-chipped porch where the light always stays on.

A pollinator garden borders the sidewalk, and the driveway reaches the backyard. 

The wallpaper is mismatched, and the electric sockets are on the floor. 

But it’s more than the brick and mortar of the place. 

As you move through the moments of each day

You become entwined between the bricks and the wallpaper, the sidewalks and the couches. 

You carry the tune to which the song of each day is sung. 

You become the drum that carries the beat to which the rhythms run.

Time moves quickly and all at the same time, moves so slowly. 

What is time anyway, when you are drawn into something? 

Something that has existed before you and will continue after you. 

It is more than the brick and mortar, and yet, not apart from it. 

75 Blake Street. 

It is a part of each person who has lived within its walls 

And each person who has lived within its walls is a part of it.” 

Moving on

There are few of us now at Blake Street, some new residents and those of us who have remained for the summer. And I can say with certainty, as someone living in this space both before and after this year’s cohort has come and gone that, “Each person who has lived within its walls is a part of it.” 

“You carry the tune to which the song of each day is sung. 

You become the drum that carries the beat to which the rhythms run.”

The residents and students have filled the basement carpet with laughter, etched the wallpaper with late-night chats, and left the kitchen tiles marked with footprints from dance parties over dishes. Each year this home holds the moments and memories that mark each cohort, and this year was no exception. 

Part of our second semester is to prepare students to leave this place. We equip them to carry what they’ve lived here into their current spaces and wherever they find themselves next. Through the resistance of pain and the realisation of the inevitability of it, hearts for hospitality, wrestling with new concepts and asking questions, and celebrating together in community, this home and place has become, “a part of each person who has lived within its walls.” 

Year six was the smallest cohort that Act Five has had, which brought up questions about what might pivot because of numbers. This year’s community brought with it such extensive gifts though, made all the more evident because of their small size. Megan cared for small details and protein ball meal prep (known as bird food to some) while Daniel brought the spontaneity and ability to bring people together. Liam was gifted with willingness and improvisation in the kitchen and Autum brought generosity and creativity. Miranda showed heart and care for creation. Amy gave the gift of leadership and bold strength, and Nina showed us curiosity and deep laughter. 

At graduation, as tears fell from their eyes, our students held each other and leaned into the community they had built—through laughter, unplugging, leaning in, conflict, transition, and authenticity—and began to wrestle with the thought of moving on. This small cohort knew each other deeply and loved each other well. They called Hamilton home. Each sought connections with our friends at L’Arche and created relationships with the families at Micah House. They climbed the Wentworth stairs and planted seedlings in our backyard. Together they have fought for vulnerability, offered laughter and grace to one another, and have discovered strength and resiliency.

As our sixth gap year sits in our rear view window and we start to look ahead to year seven on the horizon, I am excited and hopeful about how each year has a part in shaping the next. As our students and residents carry on, I hope they continue to discover the ways that they carry Act Five with them into their new places and I hope they know of the impact they leave behind here. 

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“Does God’s will for your life just feel like a puzzle you just need to figure out?” was one of the first things Jon Berends asked us in our first lesson at Act Five atop the Wentworth stairs. We were looking down upon the city we would grow to call home over the eight months that followed. I thought to myself, that’s exactly what it feels like. A puzzle.

Growing up, like many do, I had lots of ideas of what I wanted to be when I grew up. From a chef to a firefighter, a farmer to a teacher, many things appealed to me. As I neared the end of high school, I had it all planned out: school, placement, job. Three easy steps to reach my future. As the months went on, I continued to lose certainty in my plan and I ended up at what seemed to be God’s plan for my next step. It was Act Five.

Throughout this year, I have come to learn a lot about discernment. I have discovered that discernment isn’t an instantaneous process. It is not: ask what you should do, and proceed to receive a clear answer. Early in the first semester, we got to listen to a panel of three wise teachers in the city, John, Nina, and Dena. They offered to us the idea that there might not be a “wrong” option among the possibilities before you, and that you might not hear direction from God until you are heading off the path He has for you. Throughout this year, I have learned that discernment can be a slow and sometimes painful process. This is not to be done alone but in a community with others, with those who know you well and those who don’t.

Discernment also happens through trying things, seeing where your gifts lie, and determining how you can use them. A beautiful way we do this in Act Five is through placements. Throughout my placements, I had the privilege of working at two different not-for-profits in the city: EduDeo Ministries and Indwell. EduDeo is an international development organization with a focus on the expansion of Christ-centered education worldwide through supporting their global partners around the world. Throughout my time at EduDeo, I got to work with and shadow a variety of teams, including the Walking Together program (teacher training), the International Partner team, and the Key Relationships team (donor relations). Through this, I got to be a part of strategy calls, calls with partners, conversations with Canadian school partners, as well as other aspects of the behind-the-scenes of international development.

The second half of my placement was with Indwell, an affordable, supportive, and community-based housing and health care provider based in Hamilton with buildings all across Southern Ontario. Indwell seeks to support tenants in their health, wellness, and belonging. Throughout my time with Indwell, I had the privilege of shadowing a woman named Jess, the regional director for Hamilton-Peel; attending meetings, visiting programs, meeting tenants, as well as performing a variety of other tasks.

Throughout these placements, I have learned more about myself and my interests. For example, I love working to positively impact systems that are negatively impacting individuals and hearing stories. Throughout my time in placements, I have been able to discern my steps following Act Five, including the area of study I will pursue in university in the fall (International Development). I feel more confident in where God is leading me. 

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Daniel – Church on the Rock 

Improvisation, from my perspective, is being ok with not knowing the unknown, with letting the future be unknown. It’s doing what you can with what you have. It’s also being present and having fun. Improvisation first came up this year while in our Six Acts class, as we learned that we are currently living in what can be called “Act Five” of the biblical narrative. This is the time in which the Church, the body of Christ, is called to faithfully improvise using what we have learned from the church before us and what we know of the Story.

Being here at Act Five, for me, has been learning to let go of control – learning to let go of my need for an answer, learning to just let go. My placement has been an example of this, beginning even before placement started. Sometimes you have an idea or a vision, and you have to launch it out there, act upon it, and then wait and see what comes from it. And then you improvise on whatever comes back to you. That’s what happened with getting a placement for me. I had a vision of getting into the film production world and reached out to various companies and people, and waited. The response I often got back was unfortunately not what I expected or had hoped for. But then Jana, my resident leader, came and threw out another idea, that I ended up running with, and now I am doing my placement at Church on the Rock. 

My placement hours are on Thursdays and Sundays. On Thursdays, we have a staff meeting and we talk about the challenges and good things that are happening in our lives and in the ministry of the church. We problem solve together, encourage each other and pray together for the life of the church. Then I sit down and work on graphics for the Sunday announcements, a title page for the sermon, or on video stories for the church. On Sundays, I go back and take pictures during the service for the church’s website and social media. 

My placement itself has been about learning faithful improvisation. Pastor Dave shares with me an idea and I make a title slide for it, and often, my end result is not what my original vision was. It changes along the way. Sometimes I expect to be sure of what I am doing before I do it, but I’ve learned that you often need to start where you are, and then see what happens. At our Thursday staff meetings, we sit at a table and we talk about our vision of how we want the church to grow, how we want people to experience Jesus and be transformed. So we offer that idea with hope, and then problems come. And then we improvise again with what we have and the responses we receive. And through that, we learn a new perspective. 

While at placement, I’ve learned a few main things. Like how to make graphics that look good, portray a message well and represent the church well. I’ve also learned how to use my time better through this placement. I’ve been learning how to let things go, or finish something without it being perfect, and move on to the next task. Mostly, I’ve been learning how to improvise by being simple, using what I have and being ok with getting it wrong sometimes and letting that direct my next steps.

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