Some time ago, we (Jana and Cullen, the current RLs) were both asked the following question in our interviews for the Resident Leader position:
“What do you think young people need most?”
- Cullen: Challenge. Challenge requires that proper support for such a challenge is in place, but ultimately challenge and people who support you.
- Jana: They need a safe place to ask questions, to be seen, and to be asked good questions for learning that is their own.
Having two resident leaders with different perspectives on what young people need most could seem opposing, but instead it created a culture inside the Act Five House that felt dynamic. Neither of us were wrong, but we also didn’t have a full view. We needed each other’s perspective to create an environment that allowed room for real people and a plethora of needs.
Throughout this year we have been shown some of the most authentic ways of what it means to be human through our students.
In March it became clear that there was tension amongst the girls . Living so closely together in one room, combined with the stress of assignments and a desire not to say or do anything that might hurt each other was creating a tense environment. Their longing was to live together well and to care for each other, and yet they each were feeling the strain. What often happens in community settings was happening – they began living into a belief that if they just didn’t talk about the problems, the problems wouldn’t exist. While observing these dynamics we decided that challenging them to have a conversation was the way forward. Sitting on the floor at Benediction church, the atmosphere started out thick and uncomfortable, knowing that this was not what they wanted to be doing. Yet as I (Jana) gave them the challenge that only they could choose a way through this and that they could face it or keep living the way they were, they did choose the way through. They shared where they were each at, they acknowledged their differing needs, there was an apology offered and grace extended. This was an example of a moment that called for the hard thing to be done, and the fruit of facing that challenge allowed the girls to be able to continue their year together, with clarity and the ability to see each other through.
Through pursuing challenges and being challenged by others, we are given opportunities to see pieces of ourselves that are most raw, and perhaps often hidden. And in those challenges we can be formed by seeing those honest, hidden and raw pieces. Not hiding them, not reframing them. We grow resiliency and self confidence and we learn to recognize that we do not need to be afraid of hard things. And when we do so in community, we can celebrate that journey together.
By our second week living at Blake Street it had become apparent that not everyone knew how to do laundry. We had told the students where the laundry machine was and that they would need to get their own soap, and this had left them with the challenge to be in charge of their own laundry routines. This was one of those moments however where a challenge failed us and quickly we realized that we would need to have some conversations about how often laundry was done, how much soap to use, and how to use a laundry machine. It meant we would have to let students know that we see their fears of trying something new, of messing up in front of a group of people they had just met, of being corrected, or of proving oneself incapable in front of a new group and having to worry about their belonging to that group. After we could properly see people we could then choose a course of action, some embarrassing stories of how we got it wrong, showing the group as a whole how to do something that in honesty was new to a few, and keep the environment considerate and compassionate.
Through seeing others and giving them a safe space and room for vulnerability, empathy from others, grace for their incompleteness, celebration for their accomplishments, and the ability to celebrate another’s worth not even when it didn’t matter all that much to our own benefit.
As we have led these young people this year we’ve discovered that support and challenge is not just what young people need, but in fact what we all need. We all crave a place to belong, we all face challenges and seek to find purpose. We all want to be seen and we want to take pride in the identity we have. As we leave this year the hope has always been that our students would feel prepared to live into the real world rooted in their relationship in Christ and in the places where they will go next. What we didn’t realize was how much we were also being formed, how much we too were seen and challenged and asked questions and forced to see other perspectives. So, to our students from this past year, we hope you leave pursuing challenges and wanting to be cherished and we hope you know that so many of us are after this very same thing.
